On burnout as a PhD student

I figured what prevents me from burning out, and it's not what conventional advice says.

Feb 03, 2026

Burnout is bad. Everyone wants to be productive, yet everyone is afraid of burning out. This anxiety is especially common among Computer Science PhD students.

I’ve experienced burnout multiple times. But over time, I realized it wasn’t because I worked too hard.

It also wasn’t because I wasn’t doing what I loved. “Do what you love and you won’t burn out” is common advice—especially among founders. At least for me, that advice is simply not true.

I want to share a few personal stories.

TL;DR: the one consistent pattern I’ve identified across the times when I worked extremely hard and came out feeling alive, rather than burned out, is this: I felt in control the entire time, and I was emotionally rewarded.

Multiple Projects vs Single Project during PhD

There was a period when I was juggling two first-authored research projects, preparing for the job market, and organizing a research community—all at the same time, for five straight months.

At the end of it, everything worked out. The projects succeeded. I felt energized. My heart told me to keep going.

But I stopped myself. According to conventional wisdom, this pace should be unsustainable. I should slow down. I should focus. I should avoid putting myself in the same situation again.

So I narrowed my scope. I committed to working on one project only. But the outcome was… meh. Yes, the project resulted in a publication. But I felt drained. I think I was expecting to achieve more as I was laser-focusing on that one project. Yet ironically, I had achieved far more—and felt far more emotionally rewarded—when I was balancing multiple things at once.

Research Internship

Then I started my internship.

Many friends who had interned before advised me to focus on a single project and finish it well. So I took that advice to heart.

I opted for a six month internship so I could have time to finish it, instead of extending it as part-time student researcher after the program ends. In other words, I didn’t want to have to worry about splitting my time during extension.

One month before the internship started, I was told my manager changed team and I had to work on something I’m totally new to. ‘That’s fine’, I told myself. I had time. I am a quick learner.

First month in, I used my time to scope and narrow down the project direction. I also absorbed as much knowledge about the field as possible, but I wasn’t really excited about my project still.

One more month in, I felt drained. The project wasn’t going anywhere. I low-key thought that the team weren’t really invested in my project success (at the end of my internship, most of the team members left the company, so my sixth sense was right).

To make more progress, I started removing myself from ongoing academic collaboration. ‘More focus would help.’ I told myself. Still, project was still going nowhere. There were days I stopped going out and just locked in at house. Staring at my IDE. Blank stares, but chaotic mind.

So I couldn’t help myself but to seek out research collaboration within the company. I looked for teams doing things I was interested in, where I felt like their research direction is much more meaningful. Truthfully, I didn’t expect anything - I was struggling for oxygen and just wanted to be involved with something that I genuinely cared about. Everything just to feel that ounce of meaning as being a researcher. To feel alive.

‘Am I the outlier?’ I asked myself, looking around me. All other fellows sitting at their neighboring desks, working on their assigned project. I bet that I was the only one intern who worked in two different orgs at the same time.

The dread finally came. At the very last month, during my check in with my manager, I was told that I had to finish my project at the end date. No extension – my access to GPU clusters would be cut off at Dec 6th. I didn’t dare to ask for a return offer.

Fast forward, six months after I finished my internship—thankfully I was lucky enough to sleuth out a surprising finding and turn my internship project into a paper—my main research paper had zero citations. The side project I collaborated on? 10+ citations.

I was burnt out at the very end. So burnt out I didn’t follow through the interviews my friend got me at Google Deepmind. So burnt out I was so bitter against internship. I skipped doing internship in year last year despite my friends telling me that it’s very important to do internship at the penultimate year of PhD.

Throughout the time of recovery, I blamed myself for doing two projects. I also thought that those ongoing academic collaboration (that I left during middle of my internship) was the culprits. I could have focused and done more on my main project.

I also sacrificed on my dancing hobby at some point during my internship. I deliberately moved to a place closer to dancing studios—bear in mind I used to go dancing three times a week during grad school—but I did not go dancing. Not even once. All to be in front of the computer to get shit done.

“Focus more,” they say.
“Stop spreading yourself too thin,” they say.
“Work-life balance,” they say.

Prioritizing work-life balance

So I came back to grad school after the internship.

This time, work life balance was my top one priority. Collaborate more because that my collaborative projects seemed to be more successful. I also made sure that my collaborations were on topics I was passionate about. And I deliberately made time outside of work.

I went to the gym more. Tried new hobbies. Became more proactive about dating.

Yet something still felt off. Burnout lingered. I told myself I just needed more time. That’s what Google said.

Nope.

After some time, collaboration felt dreadful and lonely. I felt like I should be the sole first author instead of sharing the co-first authorship—but I didn’t. I forced myself to acknowledge others’ contributions because good collaborative researchers should have low ego. I should have low ego. But that didn’t negate the resentment I developed, even though I was working on topics I cared deeply about.

In retrospect, it was because I didn’t find the right community that matches my velocity. And that’s totally fine - everyone works at their own pace and it’s on me to find the right people to collaborate with.

Instead of scrambling for survival like during my internship, this time I accepted my fate. I had had followed all the conventional advice. But none of them worked. I got more depressed, even though I had more work life balance. Even though I had more social life than during my internship.

Friends started recommending therapy.

The only thing in my mind at that time: I wanted to get out of PhD. Graduate. Get a high pay job. Retire early. I’m done.

Starting fellowship and going all outs

Then something unexpected happened.

I was accepted into a safety fellowship in December. My advisor wanted me to stay, but I did everything I could to convince him to let me move to Berkeley for a few months.

I knew the fellowship would be intense. Long-distance relationship. Surrounded by brilliant people. What if I wasn’t good enough? Could I really handle this? Can I really balance everything?

But I followed my heart, and this time I made a pact with myself to go all out. Be more extroverted. Do more things that I’m excited about. Stretch myself, but only on things I care about.

I started saying a lot of yes. Also a lot of nos.

Somehow, I started doing more and feeling less exhausted. I felt like I could take on the world. I felt like I had time for everything.

I recovered from burnout almost immediately. I woke up excited to go to the office. Excited to see my colleagues. Excited to share my work with the world. And just one month in, I organized an AI safety hackathon and begun my research collaboration again!

I felt being in control of how things go, and I felt like all my efforts are rewarded emotionally. I felt like I can have more time to reflect and rest, see my friends, etc. I felt like I have more work-life balance, despite working longer hours in office.

For the very first time in two years, I feel happy and reenergized again for the whole past month.

Epilogue

No one talks about how peaceful life gets when you're obsessed. 12 hour days feel effortless. Week days and weekends blend together.
You wake up, log on, and by the time you check the clock it's time to sleep again.
Runners call it the high. Athletes call it the zone. Writers call it flow. Whatever it is, it's beautiful
— Jay Yang

That’s my story of experiencing and recovering from burnouts. I still don’t have job offers at the moment and have to push back my graduation. But I feel fearless.

People said ‘focus’, because it’s much easier to feel that sense of control.

People said ‘do what you’re passionate about’ because it’s much easier to feel emotionally rewarded.

Nonetheless, blindly focusing and doing what I’m passionate about didn’t prevent me from being burnouts. I had to be in a spot where I truly feel like I’m in control and I’m happy how my efforts are getting rewarded.

I don’t know how much of my experience relates to you, but I hope it gives you a new perspective on burnouts.